Reality of Realities
by phaedraphelan
Summary: What is going on between these two? Is there anything such as a truly platonic relationship? Are their own feelings the hidden mine fields?
1. Chapter 1

Reality of Realities

By: phaedraphelan

Word count: 4,464

Rating: T

Summary: Sherlock, Joan . . . why are our protagonists torturing each other with these dalliances? What are Joan and Sherlock fighting against? And in the process, what are they learning about each other and their true feelings?

Disclaimer: This "Elementary" story is not-for-profit and is purely for entertainment purposes. The author and this site do not own the characters and are in no way affiliated with "Elementary," the actors, their agents, the producers, the CBS Television Network or any station or network carrying the show in syndication, or anyone in the industry.

**Some time had passed since the Moriarty affair came to its conclusion with Jamie Moriarty in prison and Sherlock and Joan were busy taking and solving cases together. Sherlock seemed to be back to himself to all outward appearances, but Joan knew that he was still trying to come to terms with the grand deception that had been Moriarty. There were days when he didn't leave the brownstone at all. He had his moments when he was uncharacteristically quiet, even contemplative, as if his mind was still wrestling with the fact that he, Sherlock Holmes, had been so thoroughly deceived that it had almost cost him his life.**

**Joan had thought that things were heading in a certain direction for them, but suddenly things slowed and Sherlock, while remaining even more close if possible in some ways, seemed to retreat in other ways. When he made the bold statement that he was 'post love,' that he had been in love only once and was forever done with that emotion, it had cut Joan like a knife. That, combined with the fact that Sherlock, post addiction, post injury was extremely healthy and more attractive physically to Joan than he had ever been made it more difficult for Joan than ever to ignore the feelings she had for him. Joan had also gotten to know Sherlock so well that she knew his tells when his libido was giving him a problem as well as he knew hers and he was obviously in need of attention. Sherlock knew his body well enough to realize what he needed, but he found himself beyond wanting to simply call a prostitute to serve his needs. **

**First of all he knew that Joan did not like it when he brought prostitutes into the house. She would definitely smell them . . . the cheap perfume, that other indefinable thing about them that she could sense. And secondly, that was not the kind of sex he craved now. The last time he had called upon the Lynch sisters for their services was when Joan was away on a family emergency and when they showed up, he offered them tea and delayed as long as possible taking them up to his bedroom. When they finally climbed all over him and he succumbed to their 'charms,' he felt a twinge of guilt, as if he had taken advantage of them in some way—even as he handed over their sizable fee. **

**As the girls were dressing to leave, Sherlock thanked them and asked them if they had ever considered becoming paralegals. They looked at him, somewhat shocked, and back at each other and laughed.**

**"What's with you, Sherlock? Is this not your thing anymore?"**

**"Yeah, you were somewhat less than enthusiastic today. Are you okay?"**

**Sherlock shrugged, putting his clothes back on and simply said.**

**"It has nothing to do with you 'ladies.' " **

**Joan came back within the week and the fact that he had had the Lynch sisters in weighed upon him. He had never felt this kind of guilt before, but he felt it now nonetheless.**

**"You should know, Joan, I had company in while you were away."**

**"Company? You mean the Lynch sisters?"**

**"Yes." Holmes paused, waiting for her response.**

**"I knew they had been here. You do what you want, Sherlock. I cannot monitor your sex life."**

**"So you don't care what I do to relieve my stress, Watson?"**

**"I care. But do you care?"**

**Joan turned and went upstairs without another word on the subject. **

**He was feeling particularly vulnerable when a couple weeks later, he renewed his acquaintance with Jenn, Joan's friend. He truly intended to simply apologize for the one night stand more than a year previous but Jenn came on to him in a most aggressive way and he simply gave in, even hating himself afterward as he reflected on what had happened. **

**He had known that Joan would figure the whole scenario out, that he had had sex with a person who was a personal friend of her, and in some strange way he had hoped that she would be angry with him—angry enough to be repelled by him. Then there was the letter he had received from Jamie Moriarty had shaken him so. He wanted to tell Joan about it. He knew that he should tell her and yet he didn't know how to do it. Joan was his partner, the most significant other person in his life. He knew that he was closer to her than he had been to any other person in his life, but he felt loathe to tell her about Moriarty's letter. And having in sex with Jenn was somehow a means of putting a wedge between them, to stave off the inevitable moment when he would have to finally confront his feelings for Joan. **

**When Joan called him out on the business with Jenn and even shook him to his foundations by saying that Jenn was ovulating and had viewed him as a possible 'donor,' he was completely revealed and left standing with his mouth open as she went up the stairs, leaving him to 'stew in his own juices.' **

**Sherlock soon followed her upstairs. He took a shower, a very long shower, taking note that the bathroom was full of Joan's scent mingled with the fragrance of the shower gel she used. He wanted to wash all evidence of Jenn from his flesh. It had been such a mistake to yield to her advances. He had not been satisfied, except in the most basic sense. Suddenly he realized that he wanted more from his sexual encounters than mere release. He lay down in his bed, as tense as ever, the desire for physical contact with a female consort still creating an annoying pressure within him that he could not ignore. He proceeded to toss and turn for the next few hours before finally falling into a troubled dream-filled sleep. This was the beginning of a series of nights of restlessness, nights when he did not feel free to go to Joan's bedroom during the night. She was sleeping with her door closed since the Jenn incident.**

**Joan was as angry with Sherlock as she had ever been over the matter with Jenn, but she was also hurt to her very core. She held herself together till she reached her room that night and then she felt the tears begin to stream down her face. She didn't want Sherlock to hear her crying so she went into the bathroom and got under the shower so that she could cry her eyes out. She blamed herself for not being honest with Jenn, for not telling her that she cared for Sherlock in that special way, because she felt that her friend would not have crossed that line and jeopardized their friendship if she had been aware that Joan was in love with Sherlock. **

**Finally Joan made her way to her bedroom and crawled into her bed, sad and miserable, silent tears still streaming onto her pillow. It was a very long time before she fell asleep. But then she wakened in the middle of the night and her mind was racing as she tried to account for Sherlock's behavior. That morning a week earlier when he had made an elaborate breakfast for them in the fireplace when they had no power was in her mind. It was such a cozy time for them. Joan had come down in her short pajamas. She knew that he enjoyed looking at her legs and found it amusing when he shyly cast glances at her when she was dressed this way. She did not deliberately flirt with Sherlock, but she knew that he liked to look at her and she liked to indulge him that way. They had enjoyed breakfast together just like a married couple, discussing the case, teasing each other a bit, being honest and comfortable together. How could he have gone on to allow Jenn to seduce him the very next day? **

**After an hour or so of emotional turmoil, Joan fell asleep again and didn't waken till the next morning. She wearily got up and tried to make it through the day without dwelling on her feelings of betrayal. The case with Tommy Gregson's home invasion came along and captured her mind and her time, but then Mycroft showed up. When she and Mycroft had met again, Sherlock immediately picked up on the fact that there was history between Joan and Mycroft and Sherlock spoke quite explicitly about the possibility that she and Mycroft had hooked up in London. It was so obvious the Sherlock was jealous, that he didn't want her to be with another man, but didn't realize what all this revealed about him. **

**Joan did not deny to Sherlock that she had been with Mycroft, even though she was highly offended that Sherlock would jump on the first opportunity to accuse her of him. She liked Mycroft but she realized now that she had unwittingly become a pawn in the brother to brother conflict between them. Sherlock was her partner and the moment of weakness with Mycroft made her feel somehow like an unfaithful wife. She had made a tactical error in judgment by yielding to Mycroft's advances in London and she could not take that back.**

**Mycroft had left and the brownstone had settled back down, but Sherlock was not settled. He was greatly discomfited by the tension between Joan and him. The whole coming to terms with Joan having been with Mycroft had upset him. The idea that the two of them could be the close partners that they were, and yet have no sexual component to their relationship seemed to be more and more difficult to manage. It was unrealistic for two people to be as close as she and Sherlock were and to care for one another as they did without it moving to the next level. The platonic model set forth that two asexual persons of the opposite sex could be friends but neither Sherlock nor Joan was asexual. They both had specific needs that had to be addressed from time to time. And when either stepped outside the partnership to have those needs met, there were hurt feelings that should not have entered into the picture in a truly platonic setting.**

**It had been nearly a month since Sherlock had come to Joan's bedroom during the night and he missed that time very much. He loved to sit at her window, listen to her snore softly as she slept, and then watch her gradually begin to waken as dawn approached. Sometimes he heard her in the deepest part of sleep in the throes of a dream and the sounds he heard were distinctly sensual. Those were the moments he wanted to go to her bed and give her what she was obviously in need of, but he always held himself back, fearing that she would reject him forthwith. But he was changing his viewpoint of so many things . . . romantic love . . . monogamy . . . partnership. He knew instantly when Watson did not agree with his broad sweeping statements on human relations and emotions. She alternated between giving him a look that said 'you are so full of crap' and another look of pain that he was still trying to decipher.**

**This night Sherlock finally got up from his fitful tossing and turning and went down to make a pot of tea. Instead of sitting downstairs to have the tea, he brought it upstairs and knocked on Joan's bedroom door. He did not barge in.**

**Joan was not awakened by Sherlock, knocking. She had been unable to sleep.**

**"Yes, Sherlock, what do you want? It's four a.m."**

**He pushed the door open and stepped into her room carrying the tray with tea for her.**

**"I think you might need this tea. I made some Earl Grey because I couldn't sleep, and I thought you may have had the same problem."**

**"Thank you. Just put it here," Joan said coolly, drawing her covers up to her neck.**

**Sherlock looked very haggard, as if he had not slept at all. It was a look she read easily after all this time together. He was tired, his mind racing with the bits and pieces of everything that was complicating his life these days. He was wearing his underwear and his well worn robe, or dressing gown as he preferred to call it. His hair was standing straight up all over his head and his beard had grown out overnight so that he was particularly scruffy in appearance. Joan smelled the scent of the sandalwood shower get he used mingled with his own personal scent and the distinct aroma of the Earl Grey tea.**

**"I think that I would like to talk, Watson, if you are up to it. There are some things that I need to say. I value our . . . partnership as the most important single thing in my life and I sense that we have both said and done certain things recently that have reduced the pleasure it brings hopefully to both of us."**

**Joan sat up in bed. She was suddenly at full attention.**

**"What do you want to say to me, Sherlock?"**

**"First of all, I wish to apologize to you, Watson."**

**"For what?"**

**"For that whole business with your friend, Jennifer Sayles, a few weeks ago. I was thoughtless and self-serving and I should have resisted her advances, but I fear that she caught me at a particularly vulnerable moment. I am coming to understand that there is not such thing as truly 'casual sex.' There are always unwanted ramifications, aren't there?"**

**"Yes, there are. Did you think that I would not find out about it? Or if I found out about it, did you not think I would have feelings . . ." Joan stopped short of speaking further on the matter because she would have had to reveal her feelings for Sherlock.**

**"Feelings? I thought that you were not disposed to have feelings about whom I might choose to sleep with to relieve my urges. I know that you don't like me to bring whores into the place, and I have tried to be considerate of that, and I somehow don't feel comfortable being a whoremonger of late. Have I misread you, Watson? I immediately sensed that Mycroft would seek to take advantage of you in London. Of course I knew that Mycroft was motivated by a desire for revenge because of my earlier encroaching on his relationship with Nigella, but I could not understand why you would have coitus with him, Joan. I therefore surmised that your actions may have been motivated by your compassion for him due to the questionable state of his health and then perhaps you were in a vulnerable state at that time as well."**

**Joan did not answer him. She felt intense regret for the whole Mycroft incident. She had not intended to sleep with Mycroft but found herself compromised by the circumstances at the time. She was not ready to tell Sherlock that when she was with Mycroft she was only thinking about him, that she was in love with him and that she wanted him.**

**"You choose not to respond to that query, Watson?"**

**"Yes, I choose not to," Joan said simply. **

**They were both silent for a long interval before Sherlock spoke again. **

**"I also realize that partnership means many things . . . especially since Gregson and Cheryl's problems came to light, and I am sure you have noted they are working their issues out. I was wrong about monogamy. I have never seen him so shattered as when he realized that he was about to lose Cheryl. He doesn't need variety; he simply needs his wife, his partner, and thirty years have obviously not made him tire of her company, sexually and otherwise. You see I am trying to be more . . . humble, to realize that my deductive abilities do not always lead me to correct conclusions."**

**"Sort of like cold cases. We can't always solve them through logic and simple deduction, can we?"**

**Sherlock sighed deeply before continuing.**

**"I want to show you something, Watson."**

**Sherlock pulled the letter from Moriarty from the pocket of his robe and put it on the tray beside her cup of tea and then he sat down in his usual chair by the window as Joan read the letter.**

**"When did this come?" Joan said after turning on the lamp beside her bed so that she could read the letter.**

**"A month ago. . . I'm sorry. I should have shown it to you immediately. I was confounded that she would try to communicate with me. What is she trying to do? Do I appear so weak and unstable that I would fall for such an overture?"**

**"Do you want to communicate with Moriarty?"**

**"No! I . . . I don't want to ever see her again. She is evil and dangerous. She tried to kill me and she will try to kill you. And yet there is this pull. Why couldn't I simply tear up the letter and toss it?"**

**"I don't know, Sherlock. I'm not equipped to evaluate the ins and outs of your psyche, but I do know that you never need to put yourself in the position where she can hurt you the way that she did again. Don't be a glutton for punishment, Sherlock."**

**"We are quite the pair, aren't we? You, going on the internet on a futile search to find a warm body that will satisfy your urges as well as your emotional and intellectual needs or being drawn to having sex with my brother out of sympathy, and me, having intercourse with a rank stranger, a woman I have nothing in common with, simply because my libido has clouded my thinking."**

**"Is your libido clouding your thinking now, Sherlock?"**

**"It is quite distracting to me at the moment, but I don't think it's clouding my thinking. I can't sleep without my thoughts turning in that direction, and yet I have no outlet that I can take advantage of without twinges of conscience or guilt. It is quite an untenable situation."**

**"Do you really think that I wanted to jeopardize our partnership by having sex with your brother?" Joan's tone was tinged with irony. "It happened, Sherlock. It was not planned, but it happened. I was at the end of my 'tether,' you would say, and it happened. Do I want it to happen again? No. Mycroft was not the man I wanted, Sherlock. I did feel compassion for him because of the tenuous state of his health, and I lost control of the situation. I'm sorry."**

**"Are you anticipating having another go with Mycroft?"**

**Sherlock asked the question that was pressing upon his mind.**

**"No. That was not good thing for our partnership. I thought that a platonic friendship could support something like that, but I guess theory and reality are two different things."**

**"Damn Plato, Socrates, Diotima and all the other self-nominated Dr. Phil's of the Hellenic Age!"**

**Joan turned off her bedside lamp, took a deep breath and then she said the words the she would never have imagined herself saying.**

**"Suppose that there were a woman that you could be sexually intimate with, a woman with whom you have most things in common except the sharing of your bed, a woman with whom you would not have to suffer twinges of conscience or guilt. What would you do about that?"**

**Sherlock looked over at her directly, wishing that the semi-darkness did not hide her facial expression from him.**

**"Are you serious, Joan? You would allow . . . me to take liberty with you in that way?"**

**"You have taken liberty with me in every other way, overstepped every other boundary. You know me better than Mycroft will ever know me. You know my menstrual cycle, even the time of day I need to empty my colon, and other things that I have not even realized you have deduced about me. I understand what you do and why you do it and I am fascinated by it. I have seen you at your worst and I have seen you at your best. I see you every day in varying states of dress and undress and have tried with all my might to focus away from the fact that you are in fact a man, without success. I hear you speak about being 'post love' and it pains me, but there is nothing that I can do about that. It doesn't change the fact that you are a man with specific needs and urges. We do everything else together. What would change if we took it a step further?" **

**"Joan . . ."**

**"I don't want to have a lot of talk about this. We do it . . . when you need it, when I need it, and that's that. Not a lot of talk about it as long as we are exclusive. I will be here for you and you will be here for me in that way. We keep this in the bedroom. We don't let this spill over into the other parts of the house, the other parts of our partnership. That is all I want to say on this. If we talk too much about it, things will escalate to another much more complicated level, and I don't know if either of us can handle that at this time. Now you just think about this, Sherlock, and if you want us to do something like that, you may come to me to have your needs cared for when necessary. And one more thing . . . I don't want to ever hear you describe yourself as being 'post love' again. There is no such thing. You will just make yourself miserable by saying crazy things like that. Hasn't your brilliant mind been able to deduce the utter absurdity of that statement?"**

**Sherlock was quiet for a long moment before he spoke again.**

**"Joan . . . suppose that I don't need to think about this. Suppose that I already know that I want to be with you that way. I find you supremely attractive, beautiful in every way and, like you I have found a constant battle to keep my focus away from your physical attributes, which, combined with your intellectual gifts have made you such an excellent partner. I understand the parameters that you have drawn and I am willing to abide by them." He paused before continuing. "May I come to your bed now? May I be with you now? I am in as dire need as I have ever been in my life."**

**"Yes, Sherlock," Joan said simply.**

**Sherlock got up and came over to her bed. He removed his robe and his wrinkled tee shirt and shorts and lay down beside Joan. He put his arms around Joan as he lay beside her and stroked her arms gently. Joan was immediately warmed by the sensation of his naked body so close to hers and she gasped involuntarily and snuggled closer to him, inhaling the scent of him.**

**"I have been so melancholy since all that terrible business with Moriarty. I just feel quite lost some times. I need comfort, Joan. Please comfort me. I know that I am no prize, Joan. I am blunt and obnoxious and self-absorbed and . . . and an arse . . . and"**

**"I know how you are, Sherlock. And you are talking too much now."**

**Sherlock leaned over and kissed Joan's forehead tenderly, and then he kissed her cheek and stroked her hair back from her face. Joan was trembling as his lips came close to hers and they kissed mouth to mouth. The kiss quickly deepened and when Joan moaned softly in response, Sherlock growled in his distinctly masculine manner and lifted the tee shirt she was sleeping in and pulled it off her and drew her to his chest. The sensation of their bare skin touching was like a spark that ignited all the pent-up emotions between them and suddenly they were clinging to each other in the predawn darkness.**

**"Oh, God, Joan! Oh, God! Help me, Joan! Please help me!"**

**Sherlock was touching her, caressing her body in what could only be called wonder. Her softness, her warmth, the scent of her engulfed him with full realization that for the first time in his life, he was finally in the arms of a woman that truly cared about him. **

**Sherlock kissed and touched her all over, stroking her masterfully with just his fingertips and by the time he finally put his head upon her abdomen and kissed her smooth belly, his arms clasped about her hips, Joan was gasping at each touch, each kiss, her hand running through his auburn locks and gently scratching his scalp as she had so often longed to do. As close as they had become, yet avoiding physically touching for so long, this contact threw their emotions into overdrive, so to speak, and they were completely overwhelmed, shaking and trembling helplessly.**

**"Touch me, Joan, please touch me and know me. I need you to touch me." **

**Joan did touch him. She touched the stubble on his cheeks and she put her fingers upon his lips, tracing their finely sculptured lines; then, almost timidly, she put her hand on his chest, caressing it, feeling his heart beating rapidly under her hand. She touched his abdomen, and he took her hand and kissed the inside of her palm with his lips and then carried it where he wanted it. He craved her touch. He wanted it so badly. The man who always fled from physical contact now wanted it desperately. He wanted her hands on him. He wanted her to know him completely."**

**"Sherlock . . . Sherlock!"**

**Joan literally swooned in his arms at that moment, and then they were gone, lost in each other, lost in sensations that both knew but that became completely new as they experienced them together for the first time. **

**Sherlock's mind was suddenly free of all extraneous thought and wandering as his whole being focused on the pleasure of being one with Joan. He was completely taken with the sound of Joan's voice in ecstasy in his arms.**

**"It's perfect, luv . . . perfect. Lord, Joan!"**

**"Sherlock, baby!" **

**Joan's brain exploded in blue and white lights as she went over the edge in a final rapture and total capitulation. The next instant, Sherlock went over the precipice with her. **

**"Joan! Oh, God! Dear God!" he cried out at the supreme moment when he saw all the stars of the universe exploding in his brain.**

**They were both in ****_exstase,_**** babbling out of their heads, incoherent, as the most astounding sexual experience of their lives rolled over them and left them in its wake. **

**"My dearest Joan," Sherlock finally whispered into her ear as he regained the ability to speak, "My dearest Joan Watson. You . . . you are the . . ."**

**Joan put her finger over his lips.**

**"Please don't compare me to . . . to anyone, Sherlock. That is my greatest fear."**

**"There is no one to compare you to, Joan." Sherlock said simply as he kissed her tenderly on her face over and over.**

**"I'm just taking care of you, baby," Joan whispered as she kissed him back. "I've wanted to take care of you for such a long time." **

**The sound of her calling him 'baby' stirred him so, made Sherlock feel so cared for that his eyes filled and he buried his face between her breasts and cried hard for the first time in his adult life. He cried for his soul that he had nearly lost through addiction and he cried for the time lost in his ill-fated love affair with Moriarty, and he cried for the lonely times before Joan came into his life.**

**"I was so lonely, Joan . . . so lonely, before you came into my life. I . . . I just don't want to ever be lonely like that again." **

**"It's all right, baby. It's all right to cry. I'm crying too."**

**They fell asleep, slept hard and deep for the first time in weeks, and when they awakened again, it was nearly ten o'clock and sunlight was streaming into Joan's bedroom.**

**They lay holding each other for a very long time before they were able to get out of bed and try to begin their day. They were both naked but it didn't really concern them. It seemed rather natural really. The final boundary between them had vanished and there was peace between them for the first time in weeks.**

**Sherlock held out his hand to her and they went into the bathroom together and got under the hot shower. Sherlock continued to explore Joan, easily lifting and pressing her against the tile walls of the shower as she embraced him. Then Sherlock kissed her and dried her off, insisted on towel drying her long hair, before he considerately left the bathroom for her.**

**When Joan came back to her room, her clothes were laid out on her bed as usual. She smiled as she dressed, recalling the early morning moments when she and Sherlock had come together so ardently. Now they would have to try to keep all the other parts of their lives on the same track as before. That would be their challenge.**

**Joan went down to the kitchen and Sherlock had made eggs and toast and bacon for them both and there was coffee freshly brewed.**

**Sherlock looked at Joan and they shared a knowing secret smile. **

**"You look beautiful in the morning, Joan. You always do. Am I permitted to say that much outside of the bedroom?"**

**Joan flushed, unable to look directly at him.**

**"You can say whatever you want to say, Sherlock. I just feel that we should not talk about what is . . . is going on between us in the bedroom outside of the bedroom. It keeps things orderly."**

**"I will try diligently, Joan." Sherlock said. He was still trying to process all that had happened to him in the past several hours.**

**The two of them began to eat. They did not talk as they reflected on the change in their relationship that had taken place. **

**"Do you really not wish to speak about this outside of the bedroom? I must confess that I have so many things that I want to say to you."**

**"What do you want to say to me, Sherlock?"**

**"I want to say that I have wanted you from the beginning, that you have inhabited my erotic dreams for months, that, even so, actual coitus with you was a grand leap from what had been a preoccupation of my thoughts for so long a time." **

**Joan looked at him, trying to see where he was coming from as he continued to speak.**

**"And I wonder if you have wanted me as I have wanted you. You don't have to answer if you do not choose to, but I deduce from the lovely flush on your cheeks now that you have nurtured the same desires as I."**

**Joan looked up at him and nodded but her expression had turned very serious.**

**"I am going to say this, Sherlock, because before we go further, I have to say it. I was so angry at you for having sex with Jenn. I cannot tell you how angry I was."**

**"Because you viewed me as really belonging to you, didn't you?" He said simply.**

**"Hell, yes!" Joan shouted at him, her eyes welling up with tears. "Don't you realize I don't want to be with any one other than you. That is the one thing that your brother clearly showed me. He was no substitute for you . . . even though I may have subconsciously wanted him to be. I've been so pent up, Sherlock . . . so pent up . . . with all these feelings for you! My God, Sherlock, I'm only human!"**

**Sherlock sat back, as stunned by her sudden outburst of emotion that was as if she had struck him, as he was thrilled by the revelation of her feelings for him.**

**"Then you rightly feel that what happened with Jenn was an act of unfaithfulness. I'm very sorry. It was stupid of me to leave myself open for that. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Jenn . . . Jennifer was a mere dalliance. I couldn't put my heart into it. But it was a miscalculation on my part. When she came on to me, I became aroused. I was in dire straits. I had no reason to believe that you . . . you and I were a real possibility. And she took me like that. I don't blame her. I would never want to blame her for my lack of control. That was wrong. I'm only human."**

**Sherlock attempted to explain his lack of good judgment. He was completely rattled and shaken by Joan's passionate declaration.**

**"Well, I told you that we would have to be exclusive if we did this. I can't wonder about this, Sherlock."**

**"It will be an honor to take care of your sexual needs. You have suffered this past year. I can't bear to see you go off with someone you've found in some dating service on the internet. I don't want you with another man. I don't want you with my brother. I never have. I may have pretended that it didn't matter, but I don't ever want another man's hands on you, Joan Watson. I may have no right to want it to be that way but I do."**

**"Then don't pretend that you feel otherwise. Don't throw me at Mycroft or any one else that comes along that you think might come on to me. Do not ever tell me that you are wondering if Mycroft is in my bed. That chapter is closed. I mean that, Sherlock. I am not a dolly mop 'up for grabs' and you know it. You have thrown a monkey wrench into every attempt I have made to explore a relationship with any other man. I just want you to be honest with me. If you want me to be exclusive with you, I will not think about another man. Why would I lie down with someone else, Sherlock?"**

**"I just told you that I don't want to see you with any one else. My remarks pushing you toward Mycroft were crude and insensitive. I know that you are a woman of integrity. I respect you, Joan Watson, but I want you. I admit it. I want you on every level that it is possible for a man to want a woman. I admit that I wanted to extend our partnership to the bedroom for a long time.**

**"When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I think about is you. I listen for the sound of your footsteps on the stairs; I delight to the scent of you in our bathroom; I ache for the sound of your voice when you are not here. What we have found is beyond what I could ever have imagined sharing with a woman and I promise you that I will not act so foolishly as to jeopardize it again."**

**"So . . . so we have that all clear?" Joan attempted to be stern in the face of his stunning declaration.**

**"Yes, ma'am," Sherlock said softly as the whole tenor of the conversation changed into something so tender and unmistakable that it sent shivers up and down Joan's spine.**

**"The sexual component is all that was missing, wasn't it?" Joan said. **

**"Yes. I will never seek satisfaction with any other woman, Joan."**

**"Don't make promises that you cannot keep, Sherlock."**

**"I will keep this promise."**

**The two of them resumed eating breakfast. There were no more words necessary as they reflected on the change in their relationship that had taken place. Joan got up and took their dishes to the sink and Sherlock's eyes followed her as she stood there washing them. He got up and came and stood behind her, so close that he could breathe her in.**

**"You lurk," Joan said softly, smiling to herself, but not turning to look at him. **

**"I lurk . . . and other things," Sherlock said huskily, grazing her waist and her hips with just his fingertips. **

**Joan turned to look into his eyes and smiled the smile that completely opened up his heart. His clear blue irises were tiny rings around his dilated pupils as he pressed urgently against Joan at their sink.**

**"You don't want to work on a cold case or practice with your locks, or . . . something?"**

**"No, not now, my dear lovely Joan . . . My mind is a blank slate in need of data of a very specific nature. May we go back upstairs . . . please? I don't want to violate our agreement by carrying this part of our partnership over into the more prosaic parts of our life together, but I feel that I need to further express my apologies for being indiscreet and . . . insensitive . . . and stupid. I think it will take the rest of the day, and I fear even the rest of my life, to fully express my regrets."**

**Sherlock bent and pulled Joan up into his arms to kiss her tenderly first on her cheeks, and then upon her forehead and finally upon her open mouth, before he picked her up in his arms and carried her up the stairs. **

**END**


	2. Chapter 2

Reality of Realities

By: phaedraphelan

Word count 4177

Chapter 2

Summary: Sherlock, Joan . . . what next for these two? And in the process, what are they learning about each other and their true feelings?

Disclaimer: This "Elementary" story is not-for-profit and is purely for entertainment purposes. The author and this site do not own the characters and are in no way affiliated with "Elementary," the actors, their agents, the producers, the CBS Television Network or any station or network carrying the show in syndication, or anyone in the industry.

**After Sherlock and Joan came to terms with their feelings about each other, it was as if their partnership had finally reached its complete fulfillment. Each day they went to the precinct to work on cases with Tommy Gregson and Marcus Bell, trying to act as if nothing had changed between them. Sherlock went to meetings with Alfredo as usual, trying to keep his mind on the matter of maintaining sobriety when all he could think about was Joan. No one noticed the change in their relationship at first. Gregson and Bell were used to the closeness between Sherlock and Joan and did not notice anything except that Sherlock and Joan were in incredible sync with one another and that was good for solving cases. **

**It was Alfredo who first confronted Sherlock about what was going on. He had been with Sherlock to a meeting and he noticed that Sherlock seemed unusually distracted and tense. When he glanced at his face, he saw that Sherlock's mind was far away and the look was the look of a man who knew he was going to get laid.**

**"Sherlock, are you all right, man?"**

**"Yes . . . yes, I just need to get home. There's something I need to attend to."**

**Alfredo smiled and shook his head.**

**"Man, it's you and Joan! You goin' home to get you some."**

**"Some?"**

**"Some of Joan. That's why you two been so cozy lately. She takin' care of you, Sherlock. Don't lie to me, man. I know what that look means. You hungry for Joan, man. Ain't no shame in that!" Alfredo laughed out loud. "You and Joan . . . that's great! You two finally figured that one out, huh?"**

**"It's most satisfying. We haven't been together for the last few days . . . due to circumstances. She was under the weather a bit. And the anticipation of being with her this evening is quite distracting."**

**"Well, don't hang around here. You take yourself home to your woman. Treat her good, Sherlock. Don't mess it up."**

**"I can't think about anything else except those times we have together now. Our partnership is complete. I . . . I just think that for the first time in my life, I am with the woman that I will spend the rest of my life with."**

**"Well, you go for it. Keep me posted," Alfredo said, slapping him on his shoulder as they parted for the evening.**

**Sherlock hurried home. He really needed Joan. He couldn't think about her without the anticipation of being intimate with her causing his heartbeat to surge out of his control. He stopped for take-out food on the way home and got there to find Joan sitting at her desk going over the material from the latest case.**

**"Hello, Watson," he said as he came into the house. "I brought food along."**

**"Oh, great, Sherlock, I am so hungry."**

**Joan took the food from his hand and began to put out the utensils for eating and put water on for tea.**

**"Joan . . . Joan," Sherlock was unable to say the words he wanted to speak. He still had trouble expressing his feelings outside of sexual situations.**

**Joan immediately sensed his need for emotional support and his need to communicate with her.**

**"Are you all right, Sherlock?"**

**"Yes . . . I guess I'm just a bit rattled. Joan, can we just eat now. Can we go to bed early for a change?"**

**Joan observed the flush on his face and the languor in his blue eyes and suddenly she knew. She reached for his hands and he took hold of both of them in his. **

**"Joan, I'm trying to keep my expressions about you restricted to the bedroom, but I find myself quite in need of you this evening. Please let me . . . tell you. Oh, God, Joan, I'm in such a state here."**

**Sherlock's hands were trembling.**

**"I think that we should take our food upstairs and eat there. I will take care of you. Come along . . . bring the food. I'll take the chopsticks and the plates."**

**Sherlock followed Joan upstairs to her bedroom and watched her calmly set the containers of Pad Thai and rice on her dresser along with the eating utensils. **

**Then she turned to Sherlock and undressed him. She loved him when he was like this and wanted to help him. He was like a little boy in a man's body and her only desire was to comfort him. Actually, in spite of her calm demeanor, she wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her. When Sherlock was undressed, she began to remove her own clothes, but Sherlock helped her, kissing her on her neck and shoulders as he removed her blouse and then her slacks and tossed them on the floor. Sherlock was flushed and trembling with the power of his arousal upon him.**

**"I think we waited too long to do this, Joanie. I am in such need of you that I can't think about anything else."**

**Sherlock caught Joan up to him and his kisses were so passionate that Joan could hardly catch her breath as they came together almost without foreplay in the connection that they now knew so well. **

**"Dear Sherlock . . . dear Sherlock," Joan murmured softly as they gradually came down from the climax into the mellow sensations of the afterglow, their tongues completely loosened to speak of the love they had for each other, the need that had been satisfied when they came together this way.**

**Afterward they lay in bed, eating the food that Sherlock had brought in, sharing their food, sometimes feeding each other, even licking each others fingers as they lay naked facing each other, enjoying the intimacy of this special private moment. **

**"There's only one thing missing, luv," Sherlock said as he set aside the food containers from their bed.**

**"What might that be?" Joan smiled as if she already knew the answer.**

**"More . . . more," Sherlock said and came after her again playfully.**

**Joan sensed his need to play and resisted his advances, pretending to not know what he wanted, but then he got onto her and she let him hold her wrists above her head in mock captivity.**

**"Is this what you want, Joan?"**

**"Oh, yes, Sherlock! Yes!" **

**Then she simply melted in that way that was uniquely Joan and gave her body to him, clutching him to her as they joined again. **

**Finally they turned off the lights and fell asleep, wrapped in each others arms, calmed and satisfied physically as well as emotionally. They slept wound around each other now. Even when Sherlock would stay up nearly all night, he would eventually find his way to their bed and lie down with Joan, pressing the entire length of his body to hers, inhaling the scent of her, his hands wandering over her body, hoping that she would waken and attend to him in the way that he was becoming so accustomed to. Often she did, and they would find themselves in the throes of rapture together till they both were out of their heads and then so satisfied, so sated that they slept for hours afterward in each others arms.**

**Sherlock, after his emotional walls were broken down, was very needy and admitted to being such. He loved the physical closeness with Joan, cuddling with her, kissing her whenever she was near enough to him, patting and pinching her bottom whenever he had the chance, even sometimes slapping her backside in that proprietary manner that.**

**And Joan thrived in the relationship, enjoying working with him on a daily basis, but then finding the sexual satisfaction that she would have never thought possible, because Sherlock was so sensitive to her needs, so aware of her feelings. They were so attuned sexually that it only took a look, a word, a gesture from one to the other to signal that it was the time to take care of that priority in their life together. **

**Sherlock was very interested in teaching Joan to enjoy every aspect of sexual connection and he assigned her material to read that would widen her sensual horizons. Joan was an attentive student. Joan knew about Tantric sex but she was glad to learn from Sherlock how to extend their sexual pleasure through that practice. She recognized that Sherlock needed to be attended to constantly in this area of his life and she was determined to accomplish that. The two of them came as never before to appreciate that the ultimate sex connection was not just a physical one and never forgot this as they came together. As a result they became only closer and closer as their intimacy continued to intensify. **

**They tried to keep their relationship hidden from Gregson and Bell, but it was impossible. The torrid glances that passed between them, even when they were trying to suppress them gave them away. In addition the relaxed and calm Sherlock, at the height of his virile male self, and the almost placid Joan reflecting the satisfaction that a woman knows when she has her man were evidence enough to anyone who knew them of what existed between them.**

**Gregson finally broached the subject with Sherlock when they were working on a case that involved a particularly nasty murder. First Gregson saw Joan turn away in revulsion from the grisly scene and then Sherlock reached for Joan's hand and held it tightly as they discussed the gory murder scene. After that he led her away to the side and whispered something into her ear that made Joan flush and nod her head. It was obvious that things had moved to the next level between them. **

**"So Sherlock, you and Joan . . . you're pretty close, eh?" Gregson stated as a matter of fact. "I was watching you two at the crime scene today. Is there something I should know?"**

**"Well . . . l . . . yes, we are," Sherlock replied. "We were trying to keep it quiet, but I guess it's quite strong, Gregson. I admit it. I'm in love with her."**

**"Have you told her that . . . in those words?"**

**"Well, no. I guess you would say that we have an understanding on that score."**

**"And that understanding extends into the bedroom?"**

**"Yes, it does. I must confess that we've been at it non stop for weeks now."**

**"Well, then you need to say those words. I don't care if the two of you are having sex every day; a woman has to hear those words. Those words are her security. I'm telling you this from experience, Sherlock. Do you want someone else to tell her those words?"**

**"I don't think I would want to live without her, Gregson."**

**Sherlock's tone was dead serious. He fully appreciated the truth of Gregson's words in view of what had happened between Joan and Mycroft in London. What had happened between Joan and Mycroft had pained him beyond belief.**

**"Well, then you must give her that security. And you must protect her. Don't put her in danger, Sherlock. This is not child's play here. Sometimes people get hurt or even killed trying to do what we do."**

**"I will remember that. Thank you, Captain."**

**A couple weeks after this Mycroft came back to New York to oversee matters at Diogenes, his new restaurant, and when he used the key Sherlock had given him to come into the brownstone and found Sherlock with Joan on his lap, cuddling with her on the sofa. They did not move from the intimate situation he had found them in and Mycroft knew that they had found themselves as a couple. He had sensed that Sherlock and Joan were destined to be a couple when he was with them previously. It was only his wicked need to establish his supremacy over his younger brother that kept him from immediately capitulating and backing away from any possibility of serious contact with Joan when they first got to London. **

**Mycroft stood somewhat awkwardly in the living room of the brownstone.**

**"Welcome, Mycroft. You know where your room is if you need it . . . the same one you used when you were last here. No need to go to a hotel."**

**"I'm sorry, Sherlock . . . and Joan. Forgive me for encroaching upon what the two of you of you obviously have here. If it means anything, Sherlock, I never saw Joan . . . compleltely unclothed. We had too much to drink. We were just two needy persons reaching out in the dark. That's all it was. Carry on."**

**Mycroft turned and walked upstairs to his room and closed the door behind him.**

**Joan sat with her head bowed facing Sherlock on his lap. She deeply regretted letting things get out of hand with Mycroft and desperately wanted to fix things. Sherlock was angry that Mycroft had been with Joan, but he knew that he and Joan were simply trying to find their way to each other and had not been a couple sexually when it happened. He was a practical man, not one easily disposed to throw stones. Nevertheless that night after Joan admitted to him that she and Mycroft had been together, Sherlock went to his room, closed his door and lay in his bed crying silent tears.**

**"I'm sorry, Sherlock . . . so sorry that that happened with Mycroft. When I was with him, I suddenly knew that that was not what I wanted to do, that I really wanted to be with you. I froze up, Sherlock. I begged him to stop and he did." **

**"So what Mycroft said true? He didn't see you naked?"**

**"No, he didn't. I couldn't shed my clothes in front of him. I guess I was saving that for you, Sherlock. Actually we didn't even . . . finish. I asked him to stop. I had had too much wine, but I still knew that I didn't want it to go that far. And he stopped. I guess he, like you proved in the final analysis to be a gentleman in matters like that."**

**"I need to tell you something, Joan." Sherlock tipped her face up so that he could look into her dark eyes. She was flushed, quite embarrassed by the circumstances.**

**"What do you want to tell me, Sherlock?"**

**"I want to tell you that I love you. I love you more than anyone else in the whole world, and I will never stop loving you."**

**Sherlock clasped her around her thighs as he rested his head on her breasts.**

**"I know that I have never said these words to you, but I say them tonight. I love you, Joan Watson."**

**Joan slid off the his lap to the soft scatter rug and throw pillows on the floor beside the sofa and drew him down into her arms and onto her. **

**"I love you too, Sherlock. I have loved you for a long time. You are all that I want. Do you know that? I wanted to tell you, but I wanted to wait till you felt the same way toward me."**

**Sherlock kissed Joan passionately as they lay on the floor beside their sofa and then he drew her up from the floor and held her again, kissing her over and over on her neck and chest and cheeks, before he picked her up and carried her up stairs.**

**As they stood looking at each other in the low lamplight of the bedroom, Joan undressed for him. He loved for her to do that.**

**"Oh, my God, Joan . . . my dearest Joan, my lovely honeybee," He murmured as he took her into his arms again as they lay down in their bed together. "You did not show Mycroft the beautiful Jade Gate, love?"**

**"No, I did not show it to him. He would have had to imagine it. But you do not have to use your imagination, Sherlock."**

**"Oh, my darling Joan . . . we are going to experience the clouds and the rain together."**

**"Yes, the clouds and the rain. It is the most beautiful thing a man and a woman can experience, isn't it?"**

**"Did your mother teach you how to take care of the yang?"**

**"Yes. She believes that your yang is very strong, Sherlock, that I must work diligently to take care of it. She told me that after she first met you and realized that I was developing feelings for you."**

**_"Sherlock is an unusual man, Joan. I discerned that from our meeting earlier this evening. Are you prepared to be involved with a man like him?"_**

**_"Involved with him? Mother, he is a client. I can't be involved with him that way."_**

**_"That may be the case, but there is an attraction between you. He is a man and the yang must be cared for, Joan. Your Sherlock seems rather tense and jittery. He needs to be have the yang cared for regularly to calm his nerves. You will have to be the one to take care of him in that way. Don't get involved with him if you are not willing to take care of the yang. The clouds and the rain are good for you as well. You need to settle with the man you will spend the rest of your life with. The yang must be healthy to take care of the yin."_**

**"Your mother is a wise woman, Joan. Oh God, you do take care of me!" **

**Sherlock shuddered as their passions took hold of them and took all speech away from both of them. When they were satisfied, they fell asleep, still clinging together.**

**Later Sherlock wakened and went downstairs. His flesh was calmed now and he wanted to work on the current case for a while and have a cup of tea before going back to the warmth of bed with Joan.**

**It was three in the morning and he found Mycroft sitting at the table having tea already.**

**"Ah, just in time, Sherlock. You still suffer from insomnia?"**

**"To an extent. It's better since Joan and I began to cohabit. She is very good for me, Mycroft."**

**"That much is obvious. And I hope that you are good for her as well. Take good care of her, Sherlock. I will not forgive you if you let her slip through your fingers. She is the best thing that ever happened to you."**

**"You're right . . . on all counts. She saved me, Mycroft. We didn't intend to become a couple, but it began to happen as soon as we met. We tried to be platonic, but we became so intimate in other aspects of our life that we realized that we were just fooling ourselves, ignoring the obvious. We both knew that we were sexually drawn to each other. I blame myself to a great extent for what happened between the two of you. I was trying to maintain a platonic relationship with Joan, but that ship had already sailed in a sense. I let Joan suffer for needing to be cared for sexually and that made her vulnerable. It pained me greatly to know that she had been violated . . . and by my own brother."**

**"I'm sorry, Sherlock. It was insensitive of me to fail to recognize what you were feeling for Joan. But, let me say this. It was interrupted, Sherlock," Mycroft said matter-of-factly. ****_"Coitus interruptus_**** would be the technical description. Interrupted, but not because of fear of impregnating her. . . I am sterile since the chemotherapy treatments, but interrupted because she asked me to stop. Actually when she called your name in the midst of our connection, that rather ended it for me, I dare say."**

**Sherlock sat quietly processing what Mycroft had just said to him as they continued to drink their tea. He did not speak as he processed what Mycroft had told him.**

**"Do you plan to marry her, Sherlock?"**

**"Yes, I do. I never wanted to marry before, felt it an unnatural arrangement. I never felt that monogamy was beneficial to the human family, but I have changed. Life teaches you certain things. I have no desire for any other woman but Joan. And I have this urge to have children with her and she feels the same."**

**"I must say that I envy you, Sherlock. Life is strange, isn't it?"**

**Sherlock poured another cup of tea for himself and sat back down with his brother. The issues between them were resolved now. Finally Sherlock got up and put his empty mug into the sink.**

**"Stay down here as long as you like, Mycroft. Joan doesn't like to wake up alone, so I'm going back upstairs. There is everything you need for breakfast here. Just help yourself. We don't have a case currently so we're in some sort of honeymoon phase here so we will see you later in the day."**

**Sherlock flushed and shook his head and Mycroft just smiled as he saw his brother so in love with his woman. He wished that he had never touched Joan, but the history of rivalry between him and Sherlock kept him from being completely repentant.**

**Later when morning came, Sherlock and Joan lay in bed talking about their future together. There was so much to speak about between them. It seemed that there were not enough words to express all that they were feeling. They had wakened entwined together. It was the way they wakened every morning now and they loved the early morning intimacy, the waking each other up with caresses and gentle touches, enjoying the warmth of their bed together. Sherlock spooned with Joan, whispering into her ear nonstop words that made her blush, words that made her smile, words that revealed everything that was in his heart.**

**"Joan Watson, luv, will you please let me take you out this evening? I would like you to ask your mother to come along as well. I have something I want to ask you and I need her there."**

**Joan sat straight up in bed, overwhelming him with her natural beauty.**

**"Sherlock, what are you going to do?"**

**"I will tell you, but I want you to allow me to do it the way that I want to. You may deduce it if you wish. You are altogether brilliant. You know that I love you with all that I am, Joan."**

**"Sherlock . . ." Joan hugged him for all she was worth. "I love you, baby. And I say 'yes' to you. I say 'yes' to you, Sherlock."**

**Sherlock smoothed her hair back from her face and kissed her all over her cheeks and upon her mouth. He tasted her and himself upon her lips, and then he buried his face between her breasts, inhaling the scent of her and of her perfume mingled with his own scent. Joan ran her hands through his hair and she sighed as she felt the scruff of his beard on her breasts.**

**"My darling Joan," he whispered as he felt himself going down for the count again.**

**That evening Sherlock and Joan dressed elegantly to go out for the evening. They stepped out of the brownstone a stunning couple for their evening together. Joan had called her mother and invited her to have dinner with them and Mary Watson was glad to accept. She realized that Joan's relationship with Sherlock had escalated and was anxious to see it progress. Joan's mother had sensed from the beginning that this would be the defining relationship of her daughter's life, even when neither Joan nor Sherlock was ready to acknowledge it as such.**

**Mary Watson was already at the restaurant and was delighted at the sight of Sherlock and Joan coming in together. It was obvious that they were a couple, deeply in love with each other . . . every tender glance or gesture fairly shouting it to the world. It was also obvious that they were now sexual partners. It was as if it was written across both their faces. Joan was radiant and glowing and Sherlock fairly exuded sheer masculine energy. **

**Dessert was brought to them . . . a lovely chocolate mousse that Sherlock and Joan shared and coffee only for Mary Watson. Then Sherlock took out of his jacket a lovely full carat brown diamond ring and presented it to Joan.**

**"I would very much like the privilege of marrying your daughter, Joan. I am asking for her hand because I love her with all my heart."**

**Mary Watson simply smiled and nodded as Sherlock put the ring on Joan's finger and then kissed her hand. **

**"I guess we should plan for a wedding in late spring," Mary Watson said. **

**However another series of events was set in motion shortly after they came to terms with their love for each other and were engaged and this forced a change in their plans.**

**End of chapter 2 **


End file.
